VANity

Your Laughter

2006-10-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

Take bread away from me, if you wish,take air away, butdo not take from me your laughter.Do not take away the rose,the lance flower that you pluck,the water that suddenlybursts forth in joy,the sudden waveof silver born in you.My struggle is harsh and I come backwith eyes tiredat times from having seenthe unchanging earth,but when your laughter entersit rises to the sky seeking meand it opens for me allthe doors of life.My love, in the darkesthour your laughteropens, and if suddenlyyou see my blood stainingthe stones of the street,laugh, because your laughterwill be for my handslike a fresh sword.Next to the sea in the autumn,your laughter must raiseits foamy cascade,and in the spring, love,I want your laughter likethe flower I was waiting for,the blue flower, the roseof my echoing country.Laugh at the night,at the day, at the moon,laugh at the twistedstreets of the island,laugh at this clumsyboy who loves you,but when I openmy eyes and close them,when my steps go,when my steps return,deny me bread, air,light, spring,but never your laughterfor I would die.

at day at the mall

2006-07-12T08:08:00.000-07:00

This pic was taken at the mall of asia...My college roomies with my boyfriend tom-tom the astronaut...

tell me now...

2006-07-12T08:03:00.000-07:00

Gusto kong magpaliwanag sa iyo
Ngunit di kinakausap
Di ko inasahang diringgin mo
Nakatingala sa ulap

Alam kong nasaktan na naman kita
Ngunit di ko naman sinasadya
Hinding-hindi na mauulit sinta
Sana’y maniwala ka

[chorus]
Sabihin mo na
Kung anong gusto mo
Kahit ano’y gagawin
Para lamang sa yoSabihin mo na
Papaano mo mapapatawad

Ilang araw ng hindi pinapansin
Ilang araw pang lilipas
akatanga sa harapan ng salamin
Naghihintay ng bawat bukas

Lahat naman tayo’y nagkakamali
Sinong di magsasama
Ngunit papaano babawi sa pagkakamali
Un ang mahalaga

[repeat chorus]
[bridge]Patawarin mo sana sintaDi ko sinasadya
[repeat chorus]

slave for you...

2006-07-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

Di ko man maamin
Ikaw ay mahalaga sa akin
Di ko man maisip
Sa pagtulog ikaw ang panaginip
MALABO man ang aking pag-iisip
Sana’y pakinggan mo ang sigaw nitong damdamin

Chorus:
Ako’y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako’y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig
Sayong yakap ako’y nasasabik
Ayoko sa iba

Sayo ako ay hindi magsasawa
Ano man ang iyong sabihin
Umasa ka ito ay diringgin
Madalas man na parang aso’t pusa
Giliw sa piling mo ako ay masaya

chorus
coda:

Pilit mang abutin ang mga tala
Basta’t sa akin wag kang mawawala
Ako’y alipin mo kahit hindi batid
Aaminin ko minsan ako’y manhid
Sana ay iyong naririnig

Sayong yakap ako’y nasasabik
Pagkat ikaw lang ang nais makatabi
Malamig man o mainit ang gabi
Nais ko sana iparating na ikaw lamang
Ang siyang aking iibigin

shutting doors

2006-07-10T04:47:00.000-07:00

CLOSING CYCLES

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at astandstill.None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate thebooks you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid ofcertain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stopturning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisionsthat are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what haspassed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.----Paulo Coelho

Why do I have this feeling that this poem was written for me. Its as if my own hands and thoughts created the very words written by Coelho. I was quite stricken by the message of the article. Like what I have said in my previous post, my loser and bummer days seemed to be over and this article is one reason that helped me made the big decision. I was really inspired and at the same time touched by it. All along I knew that I needed to get on with my life and leave all my past behind.

A few months back, I was swamped with frustration and negative thoughts but luckily i was able to bounce back from the black hole that I got into. A friend even told me that I am a changed person. I was texting her last night and out of nowhere she told me that she has this weird feeling that she's talking to a different person. I know I was transformed and I am happy about it...I was able to shut the door to my past and I am really ready to take on the next door that will lead me into the future...I triumphed over the closing of cycles...

pablo neruda

2006-07-10T04:36:00.000-07:00

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul.I love you as the plant that never bloomsbut carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;so I love you because I know no other waythan this: where I does not exist, nor you,so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I really love this poem. I didn't know it was written by Pablo Neruda and only years after watching the movie Patch Adams did I find out who the author was. A friend of my told me about it because he loved the poem just as much and even used it for the front cover of the wedding invitations that he sent to us when he got married.

The poem was overly touching in its simplicity- a reflection of a pure and unadulterated love that I wished I would find in the distant future. Well, so much for wishful thinking...

its over...

2006-07-10T04:03:00.000-07:00

Haaay...This is a sound of exhaustion. Yes you've got it right Im tired. Tired of what you may ask? Well, surely not from work. I have been a professional bum for almost a year now... As my friend often joke about it, I'll be exploding pretty soon if I dont get my ass into something fast. I am a hot bummer...

Okey...I know I have been a loser for quite sometime but not any longer...I have grown tired of being one. I applied for a dozen job and thank goodness I landed myself on some interviews. I was quite overwhelmed by the thought of working again. My mind was so set on working for any government agencies but because of the *&^%*% freeze hire in the government my noble plan is quite at a standstill. So finally as much as I hesitate to join the corporate world again after my traumatic experience last year, Itried my luck ones again...

Last friday in between watching Judy Ann and Piolo's dont give up on us movie and memoirs of a geisha, I received a call from two companies I applied in...I was quite surprised by the calls that I received. Sounds like there's a sudden outpour of graces from above and my decision to end my bummer life is gaining an overwhelming Divine agreement.

Hallelujah!!!Alas my loser and bummer days seemed to be coming to an end...

summer sa galera

2006-06-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

This was taken sa Galera during the CLG outing...Sulit ang sun burn.

It'll Come...

2006-06-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

Umaasang magmamahal muli
Ang buong akala ko’y siya na
Kabiguan ang napala
Paghilom ng puso’y hindi madali
Ang malamang mahal mo’y
Walang pag ibig sayo
Ang umasang magmahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag-ibig
Ito’y darating Ito’y darating Ito’y darating sayo
Hanggang sa tayo’y matuto
Sa kabiguan natamo
Kaya ako ay maghihintay
Sa tunay kong mahal
Isipin ang bukas at kalimutan ang nakalipas
Ang umasang magmahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag-ibig
Ito’y darating sayo
Aking naranasan
Ohhhhhhh
Ang pagluha ng tulad sa ulan
Ang umasang magmamahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito’y daratingAng umasang magmamahal muli
Siyang magagawa
Huwag hanapin ang pag ibig
Ito’y darating Ito’y darating Ito’y darating sayo
Ohhhhhhh…..ito’y darating sayo

guessing game...

2006-06-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

i never noticed that you were particularly fond of me...that you were extra sweet, that you always sit beside me everytime we see each other. how come i never really gave as much fuss about those things? i never really noticed until somebody told me...

now i seem to notice how you look at me from across the room, how you always smile and say hi to me before anybody else, how you always wait for me when its time to go home, how you hold my hand at times or even brush away a lock of my hair away from my face. can you tell me why are you doing what you're doing?

people ask me if there's something going on between us and they dont expect me to answer anything but yes but what can i tell them?dont make me guess or better yet dont make us guess...were not fortune tellers...

trashed...

2006-06-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

in a span of a week ive been through a hell lot of tough times. ive never felt such strong and conflicting emotions all at the same time. i was totally trashed and i was scared...really scared but somehow i managed to pull it off. hay!!!thank God.

i can write again

2006-05-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

Alas!I have my blog...I'm so excited because I really love to write but last year I suddenly stopped putting my thoughts into paper. I really dont know why but maybe my life back then was in total shambles so I lost one of my greatest passion. Let's just say that the writer in me simply died a natural death...

My life right now is far from perfect but after my long vacation or should i say hibernation, I found the piece of me that was torn in the shambles. Its like being born again. I am at peace with the universe and I have found my solitude - now I can write again.